how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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