this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
