Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
