But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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