It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
