If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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