I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
