My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
