lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
