I think I am morally bankrupt
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
