i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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