Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
