We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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