So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
