i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
