I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
