It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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