You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
