hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
