and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
