I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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