rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize