I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
