I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
