Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
