Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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