Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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