i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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