Sponge bath it is.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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