In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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