she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
