Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
