So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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