Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
