I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
