I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
