if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
