so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
