Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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