I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
