My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
