this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
