Ambien. No doubt about it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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