at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
