Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
