well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
