Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
