He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
