Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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