I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
