Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
