Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
