just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
