apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
