Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Boobs speak an international language.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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