I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
