Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize