he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
