Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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