apparently the secret to your success is patron
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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