I can text with my tongue
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
