I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
