threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize