but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
