good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
