I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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