just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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