the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
