I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
