Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
