Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
