I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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