I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
