My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
