I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
