apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
