You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
