i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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