but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
