ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
