I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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