New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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