my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
