In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
