Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
