Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
