dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Panties = found
Randomize
