i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
