girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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