The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
