one might say we're banned from that church
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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