she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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