"it" just moved
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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