Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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