He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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