we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
