Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
