Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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