I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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