The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize