Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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