a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
