this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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